The Grave of Desire Part Two

you jumped up on the counter

and the words how high started to form in my throat

in my throat in my belly in my eyelashes and my knees you’re there

with a bloody imprint on your chest that draws in lips and fire

and all too soon we were in your car

screaming i can’t live like this anymore

focus like a magnifying glass on the wrong words

anymore

there was once a life where chairs weren’t overturned and mirrors were intact

what did they say about bad luck, my love?

they didn’t say it was sleeping inches apart only to hide my red and puffy face when light starts to invade you

life could be sweet but sweet is short

life could be sweet but sweet is short

they didn’t say it was sleeping inches apart only to hide my red and puffy face when light starts to invade you

what did they say about bad luck, my love?

there was once a life where chairs weren’t overturned and mirrors were intact

anymore

focus like a magnifying glass on the wrong words

screaming i can’t live like this anymore

and all too soon we were in your car

with a bloody imprint on your chest that draws in lips and fire

in my throat in my belly in my eyelashes and my knees you’re there

and the words how high started to form in my throat

you jumped up on the counter

The Grave of Desire Part One

her body split open

and out furled a flower

and he took his knife

and he cut it out

and he let it die

and i stroked her hair

and watched her bones calcify

i pick at my fingers

i pick at my lips

breathe dirt into my lungs like polluted blood

songs about girls are rusty butter knives

when you’ve seen what i saw, heartbeats get slow

i don’t really need my appendix, you can have it

i don’t really need this kidney, so i’ll promise it to you

i don’t need my eyes, i don’t need my ears

i don’t need a heart, i don’t need a brain

i’ll give it all to you, you can have it all

take my whole body and she’ll take my soul

bury it in the forest on a misty day

bury it down for a rainy day

Side of the Road

there’s a cigarette

dangling loose in my hand

there’s pain stitched into your skin

like a beautiful crying frankenstein

the side of the road has always felt like home

when you look at me

do you see the future or the past?

soon i’ll thrash myself awake

and i’ll wear your coat until the hem falls apart and the ground caves in

soon you’ll leave for someone else

it’s fine, i don’t think i’ll die

the side of the road has always felt like home

when you look at me

do you see the future or the past?

how could you hate me

when i’m me, and you’re you?

how could you love me

when i’m me, and you’re you, and she’s her?

the side of the road has always felt like home

when you look at me

do you see the future or the past?

A Moon Reflected

a moon reflected in the sky

the only thing we have in common is that you see it too

only lovers die this young

it’s easy to feel lost when you’re gone

now we survive, now we lie

oh god please, we could be so happy

rivers turn dry when we meet the right person

i lay myself down to sleep

and it’s not your fault

and it’s not for attention that i can’t stop crying

tell me when you’re gone, listening when he dies

it’s just the end of the beginning of something wretchedly hopeful

inside four tin walls

i know you don’t want to leave until things get hard

the potato state of mind is about to die

hold me just once, hold me more than you should

how can we be over when i was just nothing to begin with?

Dead Deer

on the way home i saw a dead deer on the side of the road

or at least i think it was dead – i don’t think anyone – even me – sleeps that awkwardly

there was nothing i could do

except write this poem

lacking the sun and the warmth of the concrete

she was crying out when i noticed her

i wanted to help, i wanted to help

i swear i tried

i guess i have to hate you now

an anguished groan in men’s pajama pants

the freedom thrill of rushing across a busy highway

i tried my best i slowed to a stop i drove by and cried please believe me when i say i tried my best

and we saw an ambulance and nothing else, that must be a good sign, right?

and all i saw was life extinguished at uncomfortable angles, and a girl making all this death all about her

oh god what else could i have done?

‘nothing’ she says ‘nothing, you did your best’

stroking my hair and buying me milk duds

in the car she opened her arms to me and our own charcoal lines were smudged and in all of the pain maybe something good was finally found

Sometimes

i just want to touch you

my hand reaches out for your back

when you’re not paying attention

but then i wake up and you’re looking through me

sometimes my legs shake

sometimes my arms break

sometimes my brain quakes

when i come home to find you asleep on the couch

when i never had an answer to the question ‘what do you want’

she never gets my references

if you asked i would get you coffee

sometimes my legs shake

sometimes my arms break

sometimes my brain quakes

i just want to touch you

sometimes my legs shake

sometimes my arms break

sometimes my brain quakes

Kissing Couples

would you want me with you for the end of the world?

i think i would, i think i would, i think i would, i think i would

i don’t want to think about death but it seems like all that’s left of you

you think i should, you think i should, you think i should, you think i should

will i ever dare to kiss you like i want to?

maybe i could, maybe i could, maybe i could, maybe i could

kissing couples in the cafeteria, we’re so unlike them i don’t know how to stand it

i know you could, i know you could, i know you could, i know you could

i think i would, you think i should

you think i should, maybe i could

maybe i could, i know you could

i think i would, you think i should

you think i should, maybe i could

maybe i could, i know you could

The Teen-Aged Angel Girl

i want to touch you but you’re gone like smoke

i think i could love you but you just can’t cope

all we have are these parting glances

running empty on wayward chances

like a teen-aged angel girl

is that a dirty butter knife trying to cut me out of this world?

like a teen-aged angel girl

beautiful oysters and ugly pearls

we could be so close we could be so far

drive fast once you can afford a car

the finish line is finally in sight

i’d love you to stitch me up after a fight

like a teen-aged angel girl

is that a dirty butter knife trying to cut me out of this world?

like a teen-aged angel girl

beautiful oysters ad ugly pearls

like a teen-aged angel girl

is that a dirty butter knife trying to cut me out of this world?

like a teen-aged angel girl

beautiful oysters ad ugly pearls

No One’s Here

i’m feeling jealous again

making playlists in the notes app at 10 pm again

never knew why never knew why

no one’s here to be my friend

feel like something’s wrong with me again

falling apart like nothing’s wrong again

never let me down never let me down

cause there’s no one here for me in this town

and i’m seeing myself in these songs again

when we’re living across the world again

a nervous wreck, an anxious sea

no one’s here to be my friend

what i’m missing doesn’t exist again

feeling lost and behind again

left alone to sing alone

no one’s here to be my friend

I’m Back!

Hi everyone, sorry for such a long hiatus. Life was busy, and I wasn’t feeling very inspired for a while, but I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things. New writing will be coming soon!